sometimes I wish I can slow things down. breathe. relax.
what do you do when you’re plate is full? when people rely on you?
my soul wants to find rest in You. Jesus.
sometimes I wish I can slow things down. breathe. relax.
what do you do when you’re plate is full? when people rely on you?
my soul wants to find rest in You. Jesus.
sometimes I put myself out there not for you to notice me nor the simple things I do for you. but it’s because it means a whole world to me to do things for you..
I love him so much. I’d spend the rest of my life loving him.
God lead me to 3 things yesterday as I pray for the church:
(1) “Suppose two men disagree about who owns something—whether ox, donkey, sheep, clothing, or something else that is lost. If each says, ‘This is mine,’ each man must bring his case to God. God’s judges will decide who is guilty, and that person must pay the other man twice as much as the object is worth. (Exodus 22:9 NCV)
‘only GOD knows the truth, and in the end He will judge with all fairness…’
(2) Read Genesis 18:20-33
God’s revelation: the Lord can destroy the city (the church) ‘if He pleases’ (because of all it’s wickedness) but unless He sees some righteous people in the city, He withhold His wrath. He is merciful.. Righteous people come to do what is right. They pray and seek the Lord. (James 5:16, prayer of a righteous man is POWERFUL and effective!). RIGHTEOUS does NOT mean perfect, it just means RIGHT WITH GOD. so we as CYN, let’s keep at it in making ourselves right with GOD. and our prayers can make a difference!
(3) “I looked for someone to build up the walls and to stand before me where the walls are broken to defend these people so I would not have to destroy them. But I could not find anyone. (Ezekiel 22:30 NCV)
the Lord is looking for some people who will choose to do the right thing, and that they will make themselves right with GOD. but sadly He finds none… so I pray that we as CYN, let us rise up!! let us be that generation that will start a radical change, who will stand in the gap!!
God is on a lookout for those who are willing to make a stand.. He is looking out for the Abrahams in this generation, so that He may spare the city from His wrath and show His great mercy..
there is no perfect family. the other day I opened up to my sister about how ‘I am afraid to lose everything and more…’ after finding out something over the weekend. it felt like my heart just broke again into million pieces. 3rd strike, I said… God why?? on Sunday, I stood there like a hypocrite. my heart felt so empty. but by God’s grace, He never left me.
The past few days I struggle doing things for the person I carry so much about. I didn’t like the tone of his voice, the way he asked, and all the more coz I am suppose to do it out of love, unconditional love… I felt so mad… but i try to hold myself up. I asked God, how am I suppose to forgive someone when he doesn’t even know he has hurt me.
I prayed, I cried, I kept myself strong even if I have every reason to breakdown. my sister never fails to remind me, ‘ate, we’re in this together….’ I don’t know how much more I could take from it. I am not sure if I am and will ever be ready when the truth comes out. what’s the truth? sometimes I wish it was only a bad dream and I could wake myself up from it. or I wish it’s just a fallacy, and when proven wrong I can just move forward and forget everything. but the thought of it lingering, I have to fight everyday and think of all the possible good things that may come out from it. but the more I try to see it, the bigger my fears get. God how do I deal with it?
my heart cries for wisdom, strength and comfort. JESUS, You alone.
so many things I wanted to ask you… so many things I long to know… sometimes I feel like these unspoken words are the ones that cause me to feel far from what you need.
sometimes I feel like I can be something more.. but I am always afraid that at some point I’d be too much… damn if I do. damn if I don’t. don’t get me wrong, sometimes the thought still lingers ‘why it can’t be just I thought it should be….’ and sometimes I’d wonder, is it me? or is it you that holds back..
I gave up on this thought so many times…. that I can honestly say that even if I don’t get the one thing I longed for the most, I’ve loved everything about you. every single thing. that sometimes people wonder how do I do it… but to me, one thing is clear I LOVE YOU. and that’s all your really have to know.
when people don’t sincerely apologize and think everything is okay…
I’m a type of person who, ‘i find it very difficult to say NO to others…’ I always have a soft spot. but I am also the type of person who, ‘dislike it when people forget something that meant EVERYTHING to me…’
just saying. for those nights I can’t remember..
